Feeding Tanner: Exclusively Pumping

July 19, 2016 by Drafts and Crafts

Today, I am getting a little more personal and discussing my story of feeding baby Tanner. 

{Cover for car seat/breastfeeding/grocery store cart: Sweetee Handmade}

Warning: long post ahead. Tanner is now 9 weeks old and instead of making a 2-month update, I decided to switch up my post and get a little more personal. As far as baby goes, Tanner is doing wonderful! He truly is a sweet baby, he is only fussy when he is hungry or has gas. He is becoming more alert and smiles ALL THE TIME, which just melts our hearts. He has my husband and I in the palm of his tiny hands! Tanner is sleeping a little longer some nights, which is so nice for this mama to catch up on some sleep.

A lot of people have asked me if Tanner is breast fed or formula fed, the answer is neither. Tanner takes breast milk in a bottle, known as exclusively pumping (EP). I really wanted to write this post because every mama out there should know that the only thing that matters when it comes to feeding your baby is that you are doing what is best for you and your baby. This is no matter if you breastfeed, pump, or give formula. I also wanted to talk more about exclusively pumping, since it is not a commonly discussed option.

As some of you already know, Tanner was in the NICU for one week immediately after birth. He was taking shallow breaths and having some trouble breathing due to fluid in his lungs from the c-section. Right after I was wheeled into my recovery room, there was this football-sized yellow machine waiting to meet me- the Medela hospital-grade breast pump. I wasn’t too sure about breast feeding from the beginning. To be honest, I am very self conscious about how large my breasts are and I didn’t know how I would feel about whipping a boob out to feed my baby, it just didn’t seem natural to me. I know it’s the most natural thing to do, but I was not sold that it was the option for me. However, knowing breast milk is like liquid gold, I was determined to give it a try.

Tanner was initially fed through a feeding tube, then moved to a bottle, and after 5 days, they let me attempt breast feeding him 2 times per day, which meant I was still pumping the other 6. After a week, I brought him home and was attempting to breast feed him for each feeding. It was going OK at first, then Tanner was having trouble latching on well around 2 weeks. He would fight the boob, eat for 5 minutes, and then fall asleep. I would put him down so I could pump to empty the rest of my milk and then he would scream. So I would pick him back up, he would fight the boob, fall asleep, and scream when I put him back down. This was happening for several nights at 2 am. With getting up through the night for two weeks, I was getting irritated, frustrated, and upset. I started thinking, I can’t do this, this will make me insane, and I will resent my baby. It is very difficult to be sleep deprived and have these thoughts. I felt like a complete failure of a mother.

Some friends pointed out a different option since latching on was difficult, exclusively pumping. It took days for me to convince myself that it was OK to EP. I felt like I was just giving up and that I was a bad mom for not trying harder. Looking back, I now know that I am doing MY BEST. What is best for my son and I is for me to remain sane and healthy so I can take good care of Tanner. So if you are or have struggled with feeding your baby, I am here to say, as long as you are feeding your baby, you are doing your BEST- no matter where you are in your journey. In the end, your health and your child’s health is the most important.

I think EP is not widely spoken about because there are a lot of wives tales to be cleared up. Most people think if your baby is not latching on, then you will stop producing milk. That is not true for all. I have read several stories about women EPing for 6 months and some for a year. It is crucial to pump just as much as your baby eats, at least 7-8 times a day. I pump every 3 hours, with the exception of one longer period in the middle of the night. I go around 5 hours at night without pumping and I try to sleep when Tanner is sleeping (at night). It’s not easy, I actually believe it is much harder. It’s twice the work: I feed him with a bottle, then pump, then clean all of the pump equipment- then it seems like it is time to repeat. It’s a lot of work, but it can be done. My personal goal is to be able to give Tanner breast milk for 6 months. I have tried to breast feed him recently, like in the photo above, but he would not stay latched on. I am freezing as much milk as possible incase my supply does decrease.

Once again, if you made it through all of this, then applause for you!! Thank you for reading part 1 of my feeding Tanner journey. If you have any questions about EPing or you need any encouragement, please reach out to me. I would also love to hear any and all feeding your baby stories. Us mamas gotta encourage each other! No matter what your story looks like, we can get through it together.

Keep in touch,
Dani